what hurts the most...

while doing the normal routine of checking jenn's blog, i found this lyrics that i used to like so much before..but by then i'm not so much influenced by it, simply because i was happy.he was there. but looking through the lyrics again today, with all these feeling, everything seem coming back...i realized the hole is getting bigger, the pain is going stronger,

i don't think i can take another night dreaming of him. i'm tired of crying and trying and keep getting hurt at the end. every nite, there are 2 stages. when i fall asleep because i was very very tired and another stage when i woke up and have to find ways to fall asleep again.

i'm very tired, too tired to handle any of this feeling. i wish i can just let go of everything so that i can move on. i've learnt by heart we can't live in past.i learnt that the worst way. and i'm never going to do that again. ever again. but i'm so tired, so hurt, and i'm missing him the worst way.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do…