tired. mostly on the mental part. very tired in fact. sad. very very sad. and the sadness consume so much energy which link again to the tired part. broken hearted.into very small pieces. bring this to the sad part..again.losing hope, feel like there is no more room for me to breath in where ever i go.
and each and every of this bringing me closer to give up. to give up with my life.
i can't explain the tired part..i seem very normal from the outside, very energetic enough. i can still run here and there even without food...haha.so who would believe that i'm totally flat inside. my mind can still think rationally, it's not like i go and do something stupid to show that my mind isn't working anymore. everything looks make sense enough to every eyes watching..i feel very sick until all i want is to lie down..where i feel like lying down..?somewhere i can here the waves splashing, just by myself and know that i'm going to be better after that. but i look pretty healthy, very healthy..so what is this i'm saying i'm too tired, sick la this la that la..
i know i'm sad. damn sad.i'm losing a friendship..the scariest part, i'm letting it go myself..i'm not fighting for it anymore, i felt so broken hearted until someone can see that i'm letting go when i myself can't see that...i'm really scared of myself..(hmm..seems that i'm pretty insane la..considering my thought above..it's quite obvious actually) i'm letting go and that is totally not me.i'm following the flow, i'm not trying to change it to make it better, i'm not trying to make me happy anymore or at least satisfy what i want. and maybe that's make me sadder..
i'm losing a friendship, one of i love the most..is this means i don't love myself anymore...?
don't want to go to the broken hearted part..it'll just added the pieces..and for sure, i'm losing hope..totally losing hope.
i'm beginning to understand life...at least my life..it's very messy.
i miss u ..i really miss you...i need you for me to know that things will be ok even if it would not.i need you to know at least i'm not alone to go through this hell..
please, whatever i've done i'm sorry. i would not do that again. i just need you
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